I’m 23 years old, I hope to become a dad one day, how do I make sure I won’t make the same mistakes my parents did? –Sandro

The only way not to make mistakes with your children is not to have any. Because the saying “no good deed goes unpunished” was invented just for parents. And since there’s no way to avoid mistakes, are you sure you want to venture into unknown territories? In fact the real risk is not your parents’ mistakes, but your own reaction to them. Let me tell you a story: my american friend Victoria came to study at a swiss school when she was 16. She was sent out here by some parents who “were quite surprised to find out that, once you have a daughter, then you’re also supposed to take care of her”.

Victoria tried not to repeat her parents’ mistakes: after having married a swiss guy and renovated a lovely house on the lake-side, she raised three sons with all the dedication she had. Handsome, funny and stuck like glue to their mom. The three fellows, aged between twenty-five and thirty, still live with their parents and have no intention of moving out any time soon. And so Victoria, who had managed not to resent her parents, is not resenting her own children. Now, I’m not saying she should have sent them out to some Ivy League college, but maybe the University of Lausanne would have been a good idea. So, if your parents didn’t commit any unforgivable crime, try and understand the reasons for their mistakes, and forgive them. Otherwise you might end up making even bigger ones.

Internazionale, numero 942, 30 marzo 2012